一周了

他已离开家一周了,就如想象的.稳定以后,不会这么难受.我想也是吧!希望我们可以很快的可以挨过这相思的日子.

心碎

昨晚我以为第一个周末想好好的聚一下，怎知道他的反应一点都不开心。我真的很心碎，一路从梳邦哭到回蕉赖。

寂寞

也许我真的太爱你，也许我真的太想念你，也许我真的太依赖你。。。你才去工作几天而已，我已快受不了了！一直在问自己为什么都不能看开点呢？都不能长大吗？都不能成熟点吗？或者我一路以来都期待着简简单单的爱情而不是我常说的轰轰烈烈的吧？女人就是这么的犯贱吧！往往都是口是心非。也曾问自己，到底他是不是我想要的男人。他也暗示过会结婚但他那什么都不说的态度根本就令人难受，该怎么办？

The day when he's away

11th August 2010, the day he started his career journey...

Baby Snowy

1st time of explosion...

Life & dead

There's lot of way of Doing everything in anyway. Well, some people choose the hard way, some do choose simple or easy way. Does it really matter, isn't it suppose up to that individual whether which way they preferred to do? The matter is only that things is achievable, right? Last 2 months, I've been facing some ppl dead and gone, live and new born, break up and getting know each other. This is life! Something you nor me can avoid. Life will be more meaningful if u achieve something, even better if u experience it with all heart! Coz... That.., experienced only will be appreaciated.

Career Tricks

Recently i've just promoted to be Group Manager. Guess this is my achievement to the top of my career which i've never thought nor dream about it. Too bad, i've never felt happy about my new promotion. My first thought is like "oh shit, another tough challenge". 2nd thought is i felt pity for her, cos her attitude of work. I bet she don't really care about this job. But her demotivated attitude really affected the rest. Once, her stuff told that she was so scared of losing her jobs because of her superior have this kind of attitude. Sigh!!! What else can i say? In here, most of them are selfish. They're just care about themselves.

Worst Mother's Day

Never thought that you'll treat me well but at least you don't make trouble to me. I've fed up and realize the hate to you are getting increased. I've done my part what should have do. I wont regret.

Dissapointment

I'm just got up a phone call with my niece, amber child. It was a disappointment phone call. Reason being, amber msn me, saying that Jin went out again which she suppose to stayed at home due to court order. Amber asked me to call Yong instead coz Jin didnt hold any phone. So i called. First thing i asked, "Where's your sister?" She answered, " Don't know? But she will go home soon, but i wont"? I'm shocked!!! Of coz i asked her, what happen? She answered, " I just don't want to go home". Then she said " I'm working now...a.a.a.a" take few second to answer me what she doing? I quite pissed. Asked her" What you really want?" She answered" I don't know" after that she just hang up! Jezzzzzz Another shocked. I was wondering what happen to all my nieces & nephew or i should say "WHAT HAPPEN TO ALL THE BLOODY TEENAGERS NOWADAYS?" World have change, it's no longer respect, no longer got vision like we used to be. I am so worried about them. I guess, there's really a mess/shame for our family new generation. WTF!

《蕉赖》

到今天为止，将近两个月我都在加班了。很累！
我还在想啊，命还真苦呢！
都在工作，根本没有时间见朋友，连逛街都没有时间。。。不用说，我还几个月都穿同样的衣服上班呀！真糟糕。
算起来，我的人生就只能在蕉赖围绕着。

Frustration

I'm been realized that i wrote a lot of blog which with no good news, all about frustration, angry, not happy, financial problem, health problem, works problem, relationship problem... Well, guess what! I think i've been handling it quite well, reason being, i'm used to be very emotional nor negative. If anything happen, i'll just dig my head into same hole again and again. Quite stubborn and always cry cry cry. Stupid!!! All i can say.
Gosh, i am really damn broke. The mins i got my paid, next mins all gone... Just gone... My aim this year is to clear all my credit cards debts, which i am doing it now. How??? I kept all my credit card for about 2 months now, YAHOO!!! I did it, at least. By then, i need almost RM3k just to clear my bloody credit card debts. My baby snowy monthly expenses, my rental house, my "big ear hole" at home... Arghhhhh... all need "old man head" notes. Everything increase cost, why my salary never increase???? You tell me la!!! Sometimes i figure myself like stupid idiot, without increase of pay also work like dog. 24/7. Never get good rest, can't sleep well. Always scolded my staff, which make me felt damn fucking guilty after that. Worried & Tired la..Help!!!

一片空白

现在的我头脑一片空白， 不知道要写什么。因为我还在工作啊！天啊，为什么我要这么折磨自己呢？？？？起初我还蛮想写些东西来发泄我现在的愤怒，就不知道为什么当我想写的时候，头脑就塞住了。干纳赛咯。。。

Job or work with your passion???

It's been 5 years i'm in this industry. To be honest, i am really tired & bored with what i'm doing now for my work. 1st of all, i'm writing this blog in my client office. FUCK! Yes, i'm still in my fucking client fucking office to do some sign-off stuff. Frankly, i thought it's my passion of this work hold me till now, apparently not. It's the 'figures' things which struggling me all these years. Guess what, in 2 years time, my white hair is all around my hear and i have to do coloring almost every 3 months. And it's cost me a BOMB!!!! 2nd-ly, i've been asking myself, where's my passion of this work gone??? Quite simple i guess. It is when you work on someplace for too long, facing the same ppl all these year, facing the "BOSS" all these years, day in day out. Guess that's the good reason for me "why am i lost my passion of work". Sometimes i have this feeling that i've been working my ass off, nothing in return but just bloody same fucking salary that never been increase for the fucking 2 years.

* Sorry, i guess i've wrote too much "F" word in this blog. Do apologize for those read my blog. And also please bear with me coz i really can't stand it no more.Arghhhhhh

This is me while I'm writing this blog!!!

令人讨厌的态度！！！

她！自以为是。终令人对她有种鸡皮起疙瘩，就是因为她那臭脾气。真的很想在她面前说：你妈的，不要这样串！你以为你有什么了不起，你也只不过是普通人一个。。。

气死我了！！！

Family Gathering at Genting @210310

It's been a while that all of us gather together nor to trip. It happen this weekend, feel good though, even i'm lost some money for Uncle Lim, aiya, takapa la!... But all my sis & bro got won some.. hahaha

误会。。。

我想我写的日记引起了我和她的误会。可能因为我的文采根本就是一塌糊涂，所以才容易令人容易误会。哎呀！真糟糕!怎么办才好呢???这已经是第2次了。当我看到她的留言后，我还蛮担心的。坦白说，她可是我唯一的知己啊。我要怎样做才可以把事情弄清楚呢？在人生中啊，往往都是要人选择，为什么就不能够有完美的路给我们跑呢？？？

Sober

Yes, i've been sober for 3 weeks now, in other word thanks for the piles... Hahahaha... Is very tempting sometimes, so desperate want to drink, but CAN'T. What to do??? Anyway, that's not the point. What i'm trying to say is, without drinking. There's gain and loss. Gain of coz i got slight healthy life but i lost my friend (not confirm). Bcoz since then, most of them didnt even call me. Sigh!!! How la? That's life man, life always not happen in a way that you wanted. I hope things will be better...

Piles 累事

Haiya, so troublesome la this piles thingy... Piles plus this stupid Great Eastern also, really give me alot of trouble. Card Declined??? What the fuck.. Never heard of it before. Can't sleep well for few days already, now i've to decide not to take that 10k surgery. hmmm i think ah, if i really take that, my butt will become golden ass... kakaka

2010

It's a not good year for me, i guess.
Just beginning of 2010, i need to admit to hospital for a stupid Piles surgery and this bloody surgery going to cost me RM10k, yes RM10k, fuck... i'm start blaming myself how come im so unless. Never have saving for emergency, what have i been doing all this year. My gosh. so dem fuck myself. Damn it.

I do hope after this incident, my life can turn better...

Travelling

Guess i'll be like this in one fine day...

ANTI SOCIAL

Well, this is a really stupid question for myself coz I've been questioned by my best friend last night. Am i really anti social???? I've been thought about it last night too,guess the only reason is i'm getting old & i worried about my health. Reason being, is so obvious that my body are uncontrollable increased in terms of sizes. Wa lao 'laugh' at myself. Metabolism doesn't function very well too. It make me think of spending money to go to slimming center to further 'reduce' fat... kakaka, what a joke for myself (again*). On top of that, im felt sorry to my friend. Due to always ffk to them, which not my wish. I do hope them can understand & forgive me, somehow. I do love them. I'm not ANTI SOCIAL...

Fxxking Sick

Came back from Bangkok last sat. Freaking tired & sleepless, plus the AA seat was incredible ....."_" went back to office for few hours, then head back home to take a nap, then have to head to bro annual dinner. There i got my fever+flu+cough Came back from Bangkok last sat. Freaking tired & sleepless, plus the AA seat was incredible ....."_" went back to office for few hours, then head back home to take a nap, then have to head to bro annual dinner. There i got my fever+flu+cough ≠ H1N1 coz i checked with Doc. Worst thing is i can't focus in work, cold blood boss somemore ask me to fly to Bangkok tomorrow for presentation, can you believe it??? Gosh, better take all my body & soul. Well, doc gave & advice me to take 3 days MC, guess i'll better take it and rest at home. CNY is coming, i still need to reunion with my family & my lou gong.. Yea talking bout him, last night i've infected him oledi, coz he also got bit of cough & flu right after i meet him. So i figure out better i'm not overnight at his place, at first i thought to come work direct from his house. So i decided not. While drove back from Seremban last night, i really step on it, hmmm guess about 140 km/h...Coz im too freaking sleepy after meds..Lucky nothing happen with me, thanks GOD.

~Expired~

I've been thinking this topic over weekend. All my shopping member card have been expired. Went in all the shop that i got member with, all my member card can't be use coz it's long overdue/expired. It's actually make me wonder, cards get expired, food get expired, drinks get expired, is RELATIONSHIP will get expired too?

WHY?

Is this true? Been asking myself the same question quite a while now. I guess it's true, from the reaction, from the expression. There's no more friendship cum colleague in here. I have no idea how it's happen, but it happen. The feeling are so strange yet sad. I'm remember the first time it happen, i was shock by they reaction. I'm trying so hard to dig into my heart to look for an answer, but it doesn't show. Slowly they gave me more answer by then. She told me there's some misunderstanding between all of us. But i felt so childish (1st thing came into my mind). Why they want to think like that but they never thought of maybe there's story behind. Why i'm the one who always have to give out, but they never???WHY?

七个对不起

Personally thought this article is so meaningful, happy reading.



七个对不起,换来女孩跳楼，男孩疯了。

男孩和女孩从小就认识，男孩经常约女孩一起去村外的池塘边捉小虾，每次男孩总是满载而归，女孩却是两手空空，女孩总是失落的含着眼泪，独自一个人回到家，然后闷闷不乐。晚饭前，男孩敲响女孩家的门，女孩一见是男孩，扭头就走，男孩追上前，对女孩说：“对不起，我把你的虾都捉走了，给，我把它们养在小鱼缸里，送给你。”女孩眉头一放，慧心的笑了，就这样反复着他们纯纯的童年，转眼，他们各自成长着。
——纯纯的“对不起”。


男孩总是喜欢戏弄女孩，经常会把女孩逗到哭，然后又去哄女孩到她笑为止，直到长大后，也是如此。
男孩经常偷偷的把女孩的自行车轮胎的气放到没有，然后躲在远处，看女孩着急的走投无路，等着女孩拨通他的手机，然后破口大骂他的小贼行为。可男孩，依旧那么喜欢这样的女孩。他窃窃的从远处走来，灰溜溜的为女孩推着那辆没了气的自行车，任由女孩在一旁发牢骚，男孩却暗自窃喜，然后委屈的对女孩说：“对不起，我知道错了。”随即，女孩便会柔弱下来，告诉男孩下次不允许那样，男孩点头，于是，那时的他们每天都充满着笑容。

——“对不起”的快乐。



大学毕业后，男孩和女孩各自有了工作，男孩的工作总是很忙，有时一个月都休息不到一次，而女孩总是抱怨男孩冷落了她，终于，他们有了第一次的吵架。女孩委屈的哭起来，可男孩却很理直气壮的告诉女孩：“这是为了我的工作。”这场冷战持续了很久。终于，女孩还是忍不住，主动和男孩和好了。后来很多次男孩和女孩都因为这样的小事而吵得不可开交，可每次，都是女孩先妥协。
那年，女孩生日，男孩答应女孩要给他过一个浪漫的生日，女孩欣喜不已，她在家精心打扮，等着男孩回来陪她渡过这个美妙的生日，这一等就是凌晨，女孩在睡梦中醒来，脸上挂着泪痕，男孩见到女孩，心疼的为女孩擦去脸庞的泪痕：“对不起，嫁给我好吗？”于是男孩拿出一枚戒指。

——“对不起”也是一种承诺。



婚后，男孩的事业大有成就，经常有许多应酬，而女孩已经成为一个专职太太了，每天在家为男孩准备热菜热饭，把家里收拾的干干净净，她经常会去菜场买回一些小河虾放在鱼缸里养着，男孩总问他为什么，女孩却总是慧心的一笑。
慢慢的，男孩每次回家，身上总是充满了不同的香水味道，而每次没等女孩问，男孩总是忙着解释说应酬太多。女孩黯然，那时起，女孩不太爱说话了，也不像以前那么开朗了，她总是喜欢成天的呆在家里，抱着枕头看韩剧，然后随着剧情哭泣，夜深时，就会疯狂的大哭。以后的日子里，男孩回来时，身上的香水味只有一种味道了，女孩从来不问，可是男孩依旧说：“对不起，今天又去应酬了。”

——“对不起”，谎言的开始。


渐渐的，男孩开始不回家，或总是在外出差，男孩的事业越来越好，身边都是奉承的人，他每天都在别人的恭维下自豪的笑着，而女孩，几乎不出门了，她总会去超市买上很多方便面，和一些必要的日用品，然后把自己关在家里，这一呆就是很久。从前，女孩会经常和男孩一起聊聊天，而现在，她孤身一人，身边没有一个可以说话的人，每次打电话问男孩什么时候回家，男孩总是仓促的回答到：“对不起，我太忙了。”女孩，失落的扣上电话，那以后她再也没有问男孩什么时候会回家。

——“对不起”，只是个敷衍的方式。



女孩学着电视上的样子，开始打扮自己，她觉得男孩不回家，也许是看腻了她，她决定不再颓废，自己的幸福应该靠自己争取，而不是无谓的后退。
那天，女孩心血来潮，按照地址去了男孩工作的地方，那是女孩第一次去，也是唯一的一次。女孩涩涩的按下电梯，来到这个男孩经常说忙的地方，她细细的观察这个公司的每个角落，这里的一切，她都觉得很好看。终于，绕过长长的办公走廊，她来到男孩的办公室，轻轻的推开门……女孩愣住了，眼前看到的不是自己的丈夫，也不是那个经常弄坏她自行车的那个贼小子，更不是那个把虾放在小鱼缸里的男孩，而是一个正在和别的女人做爱的男人。那个女人坐在桌子上，******的发出微弱的呻吟声，那个男人，仿佛山林里饿极了的野兽……
许久，男孩才发现了女孩，男孩惊慌失措，忙把衣裤捡起来穿好。可女孩，转身离开了。男孩飞奔出去，追着女孩，那晚，大雨袭击了整个城市。女孩不顾男孩的叫喊，径直往前跑，往回家的方向跑，男孩在女孩后面大喊：“对不起，我还是爱你的，对不起，我真的只爱你。”可女孩，始终没有听见。

——这样的“对不起”太伤人。


男孩一直都没有找到女孩，女孩失踪很久了。男孩的世界已经一片黑暗，无心工作，无心花天酒地，他想不到女孩可以去哪里，因为女孩没有朋友，她唯一的朋友就是男孩，男孩终日守着电话机，手机24小时不关机，怕错过了女孩的电话。这一等就是半年多。
快递为男孩送来一个盒子。
男孩打开一看，里面是许多河虾的标本，有的在树叶边休息，有的在水草里躲着，各式各样的河虾标本，旁边放着一封信。

“ 我始终没有勇气再见到你，可能是我太懦弱，也或许是我根本不想见到你，我想这些『警告：注意文明用语！』应该过的没什么两样吧，我很好，我学会了离开你怎么让自己存活，我懂得了怎样赚钱养活自己，而不用每天等着你回家，为你烧一桌热腾腾的饭菜，直到凉了也不见你的人，我的手机已经不用了，因为我已经不会再为你24小时的不关机，让自己饱受辐射的折磨。我懂得怎样去爱惜自己，珍惜自己的本来应该美好的生活。我想，我是可以忘记怎么去爱你的，因为你把我的爱弄得遍地麟伤。
离婚协议书，就压在鱼缸的底下，你签完字，按照地址给我寄过来就行了。
对不起，我想我是真的累了。”

男孩按照地址找去，他满心希望能够见到女孩，然后让女孩原谅，并且告诉女孩自己不能没有她，可是打开门的却是女孩的父亲，而女孩就站在她父亲的身后——是女孩的遗像。
女孩的父亲告诉男孩，女孩在写完这封信后，跳楼自杀了，血肉一片模糊。

——原来“对不起”也可以是种结束。

那一年，男孩疯了。

每个人在自己的生命里头，一定会遇到一个自己真正该珍惜的人。请你好好的珍惜那一个人，不是每一句的对不起，都可以换来每一句的没关系……千万不要辜负了自己心爱的人，那对谁，都不好……

Doubt

I've doubt in myself about this relationship quite some times... He went home yesterday morning, when i went back after work. I realize that i kind of uncomfortable on it. Is that boring? miss him? or i need it to stay home alone? or i felt alone? Sometimes i felt myself like a control freak... lucky that he can accept it, somehow. But how long it will last? Do i need to change the way im suppose to be, or he have to change? But no one is perfect.. no one can do things completely perfect. Sometimes i thought there's something happen in past, i can forget about it. But the truth is it still deep down my heart. Funny thing is out of sudden this hurt feeling it will flash back to memory, just like that. Like while im having meal with him, suddenly my memory flash back the scene when we at the airport, his whole family in the airport. Farewell for his return to London. It's a strong memory for me, coz i remember that night i cried at the airport and i ran to my friend car once he entered the custom. Gosh, now i think back, it's like freaking 6 years ago... It's still very clear in my mind. How? How to erase sad memory in my mind. i have to say, recently my bad attitude "being too emotional" are coming back. I hate this feeling, i don't want to be a coward. I want to be HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

回忆

This blur blur effect make me looks good, like it!

One of the nice picture with her.

出卖

我想在要开始写这blog的时候，还想了一下呢。。。为什么呢！可能我只想把我心里的怨气写出来。。。曾经当他们是友兼同事。但我又给了笃背子。感觉又好像给人出卖了一样。也许我待人真的很差吧， 他们才会这样对我。
但我真的不想再让自己不开心了，所以我不管他人再说我的不是，我只像做回我的本分和令自己开心就够了。。。

真正的友情。。。

之前锁着心里的埋怨，昨晚痛痛快快的我们俩解决了。。。当中我们还哭了呢！我真的很开心我的人生当中有她。。。她是我最好的朋友。

2009~Began & Ended in Hong Kong...

2009.... I'm should be very glad and happy coz i've travel to winter country~Hong Kong in the beginning & at the end of 2009. But both trips quite different. First is vacation with jie mui, Second is biz travel (considered). But only 1 thing in common, which is the weather that i love the most.... Let's check up the picture...


Jan 2009...

After settle down in Hostel, quick2 go buy boot...


Then ah Leng also grabbed some cloth 4 her niece


Looks familiar, this scene always see in TVB drama series and v've been there. Jeti..





Of coz take 1 or 2 shoots lo




1st nite went to LKF, like the weather..COLD...


Of coz kao zai ler...


Then v for our 1st steamboat, gosh...So delicious..


hang around at Star Avenue...


Star Avenue#1


This shot taking from 庙街 and v having dinner after massage... Gosh... v look so tired.




Dec 2009


Taken from hotel room..


Here's shopping outdoor nearby our Hotel at Causeway Bay


Ah Pak doing his 粘饭。。。


烧腊铺


Pub at Wan Zai.

new year new start??

Resume work from long holiday...First day of work, totally felt weird. Not sure why. Maybe deep down my heart there's something been hiding for quite long time and it denied to face it. Yes, maybe. Is this good or bad. I think this is a good sign. Why? Because human being really can't into something for a long time. Means no progress or get bored with something. Have to found something interesting to spice up, then life will be different or more meaningful.