Doubt

I've doubt in myself about this relationship quite some times... He went home yesterday morning, when i went back after work. I realize that i kind of uncomfortable on it. Is that boring? miss him? or i need it to stay home alone? or i felt alone? Sometimes i felt myself like a control freak... lucky that he can accept it, somehow. But how long it will last? Do i need to change the way im suppose to be, or he have to change? But no one is perfect.. no one can do things completely perfect. Sometimes i thought there's something happen in past, i can forget about it. But the truth is it still deep down my heart. Funny thing is out of sudden this hurt feeling it will flash back to memory, just like that. Like while im having meal with him, suddenly my memory flash back the scene when we at the airport, his whole family in the airport. Farewell for his return to London. It's a strong memory for me, coz i remember that night i cried at the airport and i ran to my friend car once he entered the custom. Gosh, now i think back, it's like freaking 6 years ago... It's still very clear in my mind. How? How to erase sad memory in my mind. i have to say, recently my bad attitude "being too emotional" are coming back. I hate this feeling, i don't want to be a coward. I want to be HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!